One more chance...

I have decided to give my dear friends and family the benefit of the doubt. The holidays have been upon us and life gets busy, I know that. So, I am giving you all one more week to enter in a bid for the purse for Doctor's without Borders. I have received one bid for $10. I know that we can do better than that, we can do better than $10. Heck, that isn't even what it cost to make the purse.

So, the auction deadline has been extended to January 7, 2007. Let's make this a great way to start off the New Year!!!

Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays! I have been inspired by the Yarn Harlot and this post. So, in honor of Doctors without Borders, I am selling one of the purses I made this year and all proceeds will go to this worthy organization. The bag farthest to the left is the one that I am selling. I will take the highest offer that I get between now and January 1st.

I will let everyone know who bid the most (unless the buyer wants to be anonymous) and I will donate the money in their name.

Please feel free to email me with any questions and please email me your bid (kimborchertATgmailDOTcom)

Missing Emma

This time of year causes me to think a lot. Really important moments in Emma's life I remember. I remember the day I had my baby shower (November 23), the day I found out she was breech (November 22) and how many weeks pregnant I was (34...she dropped at 33 weeks). I can tell you what I did the day before she was born and the day she was born. I can tell you that 4 years ago today I was still in the hospital, we went home on the 18th. When we got home from the hospital there was a big banner on my garage door, from my old roommates, welcoming Emma home. I remember things that I did with Emma, just every day things...I am glad for that. However, sometimes it is hard. I remember what I did on my birthday, the one birthday I had with her alive. I think it's because when she died my everyday life was not so everyday. I had to search my memory and burn those memories. I don't want to forget anything.

So, here are some things I miss about Emma. I miss the way she smelled. I haven't used the same baby wash on my other kiddos that I used on her...I just can't. I miss smelling her and kissing her neck. I miss the way she would smile so easily. I miss that she had my eyes. Of my 3 children she is the only one that looked like me. I miss that she would crawl up to me in the morning and whisper and play with my face to wake me. I miss that I could calm her by singing to her. I miss watching her crawl and try to find me. I miss her squeal of joy when she saw her Daddy. I miss her little voice saying, "dadadadadada". I miss those eyes. I miss the way she..oh I just miss her.

I often wonder if I will forever have this hole in my soul? This hole that only Emma can fill? Will every wonderful moment be overshadowed for me by the fact that it would be better if Emma were there? If she were there with me? That is how it is right now. Every time something wonderful happens, I grieve for my Emma. When Seth and Amelia were born, I was thrilled...but shortly after, I cried that their sister didn't get to be here in the flesh with them. I know she was there when they were born, I felt her. But, I really do wish they could all grow up together.

Ugh..it's late, the kids will wake early, I better go to bed...I am just missing Emma.

Our Day

So our day yesterday...ugh, it was hard. Seth decided at 6:45 that it was time to wake up. He came into my room and turned on the light and woke up not only myself, but Amelia (who usually sleeps until 10 or 10:30!!). I was NOT happy. I got up and was just a mess. I really wanted to sleep as much as possible so I didn't have to deal with the day yet...but that didn't happen. I woke up and just cried and cried and cried. Jeremy felt so bad that he had to go to work, but he's so new at this job that he really needed to go in. So, he left, I changed diapers and eventually got Amelia back to sleep. I was pretty weepy the rest of the morning. Then, I needed to get out of the house. So, my friend Nicole and I went to lunch. We took our kiddos (she has a little girl who is Emma's age - I love that girl!) and that was really good for me. Then we went to a great consignment boutique here and dreamed of cute clothes for our kiddos. I found a dress I would have wanted to get for Emma. Then, we went home, I changed diapers, knit and let Winnie the Pooh babysit Seth (thank heavens for the library having the Pooh movie!). Jeremy got home around 3:30 and we got packed up and went to Kaysville (where she is buried). We went and got balloons, I don't remember how many, but lots of pink and white balloons. Seth was very cute saying that Emma would run and catch all the balloons. He thought she'd like them a lot :). We sent her balloons in heaven and sang happy birthday. I have yet to be able to get through that song without crying on her birthday. Then Jer put new flowers in her vases and we went to dinner. We had her picture on the table with us, I am sure the server was curious why we had a picture of a little baby girl on the table Then we went to my brother's and had pie with he and his wife. We didn't make it to the store to drop off her presents for Toys for Tots, so Jer and Seth are doing that today.
On the way home from my brother's, we were driving by an ambulance. I hate ambulances more than anything. It got me thinking about the day she died and I just lost it. I cried for about 20 minutes of our drive home. Then, we got home, got Seth in bed and I sat down and cried some more. I was really glad to go to bed last night and have the day over. I just can't believe that I have a 4 year old child. That blows my mind. It probably blows my mind the most because I have no idea what my life would be like with her here. I sometimes wish that I could have the "It's a Wonderful Life" experience and be able to see what my life would be like if she were still here...if wishes were pennies...
Anyway, thank you all for your kind thoughts, prayers and hugs, I really appreciate it. Another year has come and gone and I am still alive. I have 2 beautiful earth bound children and one beautiful angel...so I guess things aren't too bad.

Here is something I made this morning for Emma. I should be cleaning, but I am just missing her so much and this has helped a little bit.

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to my sweet Emma. Today is your 4th birthday. I can't believe it's been so long since you were born. It truly seems like yesterday. I love you and miss you sweet girl.
xoxoxo, Mama

My Michelin Baby

Here is my fatty girl!!! She is just so cute and happy. Amelia laughs so readily and is starting to sit up too. She sits for a bit, and will even get up on her knees, but really she likes to
just roll around and scoot on the floor! :)

A Christmas Party!

Seth was invited to his first Christmas party this week! We went to his friend, Diedrik's, house and had a messy party!! The kids made sugar cookies and frosting and then got to frost them all. When the kids were done, Santa came!! Seth had so much fun and had a lot of fun talking to Santa too! I was afraid that he would be scared, but he wasn't at all. He even gave him a hug when he left! Here are some pictures of my babies!!!

Notice he is looking down and smiling? He was so excited to have this little whisk, he didn't take his eyes off of it!! He cracks me up!

Welcome to Christmas

We got a small tree last night (3 feet to be exact) and Seth is in love with it!! He keeps telling us, "Welcome to Christmas!" when we come in the room with the tree. He is going to make Christmas lots of fun this year, I just know it! :)

One more thing...

Seth is getting all 4 of his 2 year molars right now. When they start to hurt he says, "Mom, my tooths is coming out." That is how I know he needs some more motrin. He is so funny in how he describes things!!

A Conversation with Seth

I swear, this child is 2 going on 20!!! Here is a conversation I had with him yesterday -

Me: What do you want to get Daddy for Christmas?
Seth: Um, a new iPod. He needs a new iPod.
Me: Daddy needs a new iPod? He just got one in May!
Seth: Yes, and I need a new iPod too. We both need new iPods.

As I was recounting this to Jeremy later, Seth reminded me that he needed a BIG iPod, because he was big. He is such a nut!!

She's Moving!

Amelia is not crawling yet, but she is moving around anyway. She rolls onto her tummy and will go in circles on her tummy. She is really so funny. She talks all the time and loves to blow raspberries. I am just so lucky to have such a happy baby girl. She makes our lives pretty easy ;)

Seth had a stomach bug this weekend. Poor baby boy. We were at Walmart on Friday afternoon and we went out to the van and he started to throw up. I got him out of the van (very quickly) and he finished up in the parking lot. Then, he was fine. That was around 1:30 or 2. Then again at 4:30ish he did it again! He did it 3 more times in the next 24 hours and now is fine. He watched more movies in the last few days than I think he's watched in his entire life! So, we are banning all tv for the next week. The kids brain is going to turn to mush!
Luckily, the rest of us are healthy. Jer had a little bug, but it was earlier in the week. Amelia has a runny nose, but she's ok. And, I am ok too. Thank heavens!

My folks were in town this week for Thanksgiving. They stayed up in Kaysville, but it was fun to see them. They came down twice and spent days with us. It was fun to see them. My Dad will be here this week for work, so we might get to see him again.

I have been very busy knitting for the last few weeks. I am putting some bags that I've made in a boutique this weekend. It's my desperate attempt to earn some Christmas Cash! Hopefully I will do well this weekend.

Now, for the big news...Jeremy got a job. It is temporary, but it's a long temp. job. It will be about 4 or 5 months and will pay the bills. We are hoping that he can get at least 30 hours a week, but if not, he'll have to do something else in addition to it. He's still looking for a full time job, you know, the kind with a salary and benefits and enough money that we can get out of this dark little apartment! But, until that time comes, we are just thrilled with this. He starts on Thursday, so we should know then what kind of hours he will be getting.

I'll get some new pictures of the kids up soon, I promise. I'm typing this on the laptop and all the pictures are on the other computer....which is acting up right now..I'm shocked, a PC acting up!??! I can't wait until we can get rid of it and get another Mac.

Emma

Yesterday was my little brother's anniversary. 4 years ago, I was at his wedding, very pregnant with Emma. I had no idea that one month later (to the day) she'd be born.
I just needed to write about her today. I am really missing her today. *sigh* Whoever says that it gets easier is full of crap. It doesn't get easier. It still hurts everyday.

Milestones

In our church the children aged 3-12 are in Primary. This is a Sunday School type class, but they also meet all together for a meeting and have singing time. Once a year the Primary does a program for the congregation. Today was the Primary Program at church. I was sitting in the Mother's room listening and nursing Amelia. Well, the first children to speak their parts were the Sunbeams, age 3. It hit me that it was Emma's class. That today would have been her first Primary Program. I remember sitting watching all of my nieces and nephews and just beaming as they said their parts and sang their songs. Today, I was once again, reminded of what I am missing out on.
These milestones hit and they hurt. I don't expect them, they just come from no where. She'd be turning 4 next month. I can not believe that. In 1 month and 3 days, she would have been 4. What a different little girl she'd be from the one I know.
I miss my girl. She'd be so big now...

Here's the scoop

Jeremy is still looking for work. He went to a couple temp agencies today and hopes to get something from those. He is also applying at every medical device company in Utah. Something has to come up.
Amelia outgrew her infant carseat this week, so we had to get a new one for her. So, she and Seth are now in the same kind of seats and are both rear facing. We've had to be pretty creative with how we are putting them in the car. Hopefully as soon as Jer gets some work we can get a van.
Right now, I am knitting up a storm. I am trying to raise some money to fund our Christmas and maybe even pay a few bills. So, I am knitting some bags. I made one last night and I love it! I will sell them in a couple boutiques this holiday season. I also sold one at Wild Oats today. I was there and a lady asked me about my bag. She's going to call me and tell me what color she wants and I will make one for her! Thank heavens for these small talents!

Still waiting...

So, Jeremy called Biomet on Monday morning. The lady that he spoke with told him that 3 of the 4 positions had been filled and that he should call back on Friday afternoon. So, we waited...it was a long week....and he called back on Friday afternoon. She wasn't there. He left a message and then called back another 4 times...she wasn't ever there and she never called him back. So...we wait. We're getting good at that.
We've been pretty discouraged this week, but despite it all, I still feel really good about Indiana. I will be surprised if he doesn't get the job with Biomet. I am not sure yet what we'll do if he doesn't get this job. I think that he is going to be going to Temp agencies this week. Then...well, I'm not sure. But, we do know we need some money now.

I wrote last week that I'd be taking Amelia for her 4 month check up on Monday. Well, I did. She's a pork chop for sure. She weighed in at a healthy 17 lbs. 8 oz. and 27 inches long! She is much bigger than Emma was at this age and quite a bit bigger than Seth at this age! She's my Fatty McFats for sure! ;) She got two shots and did really well. She cried (duh) but nursed right after and was just fine after that.

Seth is his normal funny self. He did something yesterday that Jeremy and I were cracking up at, but neither of us can remember what it was now! :/ I really should write these things down before I forget them! He was playing with a little girl, Calla, at church today. He was Dad and she was Mom. The kid has the best imagination. Driving to and from Walmart and going shopping all the time. He is a nut!

Jeremy and I have jumped on the "24" bandwagon. We have never watched it, but both of our parents love the show. We've heard so many good things about it that we checked out the first season from the Library. We were up until 11 last night watching the first four episodes. Man is it good and suspenseful! We love it!!!

I can't believe it's already November! We've been thinking about what we are going to and want to get for the kiddos for Christmas. We've decided that they don't need a lot, so we will get them one gift for the two of them and then they will each get another gift, a book, and a handknit item from Mom. So..here is what we want to get the kids.
For the both of them - Play Silks. One of my friends wants to get some for her girls, so we are going to get the bundle of 12 and split them. I think that these will be a hit!
For Seth, Jeremy wants to build him a train/lego table. Then, we want to get him a couple of these lego mats. He loves to play with Legos, so we think he would really like this.
For Miss Amelia, I want to get her a doll. But, not just any doll, a special doll that will last forever. I have found this one and love it!!! Hopefully by the time I can get it they won't be sold out. Oh, and I'll get it in pink :)
They will each get some kind of book and I will make them slippers or something like that.

Now, if Jeremy gets a great job soon and we can afford it, we will get the kids this instead of the silks. Target has such a great selection of kitchen accessories for this and wooden food. They even have a toaster and microwave!! I love it! If we can't get it for them for Christmas, maybe we'll get it for their birthdays.

Ah the holidays. I love them, I really do. And now, I need to go make dinner. Why do these people all think they need to eat??

Anticipation

On Tuesday it will be 3 weeks since Jeremy's interview with Biomet in Indiana. We are both pretty nervous at the beginning of this week. He was told that he would hear something within the next few weeks. That would be this week. It is pretty nerve wracking.
So many people have been praying for us...I am just praying that God hears and answers these prayers. And that if we're really not supposed to be in Indiana, that he will find something else quickly. This is so hard on my sweet husband. I hate to see how terrible he feels. This is just so hard.
I was watching a movie today and there was a line that said, "It's the character that's the strongest that God gives the most challenges to. You can consider that a compliment." I guess that Jeremy and I have pretty darn strong characters. Hopefully this week we will have some answers and know what is going on with our lives.

Amelia has been pretty cranky the last few days. She is so gassy. I don't think I'm eating anything different...but something is bothering her. My poor baby girl. I hate when my kids don't feel well. She goes to the doctor for her 4 month check up tomorrow. She'll get her first immunizations. I hate shots for my kids! :( It will be fun to see how much she weighs. We weighed her last night and she was 18lbs.!!! What a fatty! Seth was 18 lbs. at 6 months and Emma was 19.5 lb.s the week she died, at 8 months. She is definately my biggest baby by far!

Last night we went to a party at church for Halloween. It was a lot of fun. We came in 3rd for the costume contest. The winners were a family that dressed up like the XMen. There was Wolverine (Dad), Mystique, and Rogue. They looked really good.
Anyway, we had a lot of fun. There was a Trunk or Treat, then the party. Jeremy entered the Chili Cookoff and we still think that it is rigged...he took 4th place. He so deserved 1st place! Oh well :) It was fun anyway. Here are some photos from it:

Buzz Who?!?!

Today Seth watched Toy Story for the first time. He loves Buzz Lightbeer. Yes, you read that correctly, Buzz LightBEER! He is just hilarious!

We went to Boo at the Zoo this morning. Ok, Amelia, Seth and I went. We joined our friends, the Lairds. Seth had a great time. I had fun with Nicole. However, I decided I will never do anything like that by myself again. Due to financial constraints, Jeremy didn't go. (Seth was free and I got in on the Laird's zoo pass). Seth had a lot of fun though. He got to wear his costume and get candy and see the animals! What more could a little Roo ask for??

I loved hearing people's reactions when they saw us. Oh, there is Roo and Piglet! However, there were some not so intelligent types, who said the following, "Look! It's a mouse!", or "There is Piglet and some other kind of animal", and one of my favorites, "Is he a small wallaby or a kangaroo? Better get back in your cage!". Ok, seriously?? Do kangaroo's wear blue shirts?!?! Come on people. Oh, and someone thought Amelia was a rabbit! A pink rabbit with pointy ears and a suit that looks JUST LIKE PIGLET!!?!?!?! It was comical.

Tonight we have our church halloween party. I have been working for the last 2 days on Jeremy's costume. He will be Tigger. I'll post pictures, I promise. Everyone has pretty elaborate costumes except for me. I'm Kanga, wearing a brown shirt and pants and some ears. It'll be good. I'll post pictures tomorrow or Monday!

Halloween

We got costumes for the kids yesterday in the mail. Jeremy's Mom made them, oh they are SO cute!!!


Yep, we've got Roo and Piglet!!! Here are some more pictures -













































Aren't they cute?!?! Jeremy will be Tigger and I will be Kanga (of course) to round out our real live House at Pooh Corner! As soon as Seth put on his Roo costume, he started hopping around the house. He loves to wear it and is SO excited to be Roo!!!

Let's see...what else is going on with us? Not much. Still waiting to hear from Biomet. Hopefully this week, if not, then something next week for sure. Jeremy is going to call tomorrow if he doesn't hear anything today.

Here's my cool story for the week. Just proves that the Lord is watching out for us. Just now how we expect. We've joined the Utah Community Food Co-op here. I went on Saturday and volunteered to help with the pick up. When we were done, there was a bunch of meat, bread and lentils left over. I started helping one of the workers pack it up. I asked him what they would do with the left over food. He told me that he would take it home, put it in his freezer and try to find someone who was in need and give it to them. I thought that was a good idea, and continued to help him pack up. As we were getting ready to go, he asked if we knew of anyone who could use this food. I replied (very quietly), um, we could. I explained that my husband is out of work and that it would help us a lot. He said, "Wonderful! Will all of this fit in your freezer?". I told him we'd make room. So, now we have enough meat to last us for another month or so. Thank heavens for this!

5 Years

That is how long we've been married. Yesterday was our anniversary. We were talking and just can't believe all that has happened in our short marriage. We both thought that we'd be in a different place (physically and financially) by this time. But, when it comes right down to it, there is no one else that we would rather do this with. I am so glad that I have Jeremy by my side during these really hard times. Our entire marriage he's been in school (with the exception of one year when he was getting ready to go to grad school) - that is hard. So, we've had school, the birth of all 3 of our children, the death of one, 5 moves and a good dose of unemployment in 5 years. It's hard...but we are blessed. We have 2 very healthy, very happy children. We still have a place to live. We can still pay our bills. Our credit cards were totally paid off so that when we needed to live on them again, we could. We have family and friends that are so generous and help us a ton. So, yes...through it all, we are blessed.

We are still waiting. This waiting game is really hard. Jeremy's interview with Biomet was last Tuesday. He will call next week to see if they know anything yet. He's being a very good squeaky wheel. So, hopefully I will have more of an update next week about employment.

Seth loves The Little Mermaid these days. I can't say as I blame him. Our Bishop's family lent us their copy (their kids are a bit too old for the movie and not interested in it) this week and Seth and I LOVE to watch it!!! It reminds me of when I was young and my little brother, Rob, and I used to play Little Mermaid. I was Ariel...he was everyone else! :)

What we know

We don't know much, but do know that we are not going to Michigan. The interview (if you want to call it that) was such a waste of time. They don't even have a position for Jeremy. There isn't a job opening...why fly him out then??? The company is pretty unorganized. Jer basically sat around for 3 days doing nothing. Then, the guy who flew him out told him that he is too passive. Um, Jeremy isn't in charge of this interview, HE IS! The man didn't even say goodbye to Jer in the airport. They went through security and the guy took off. Whatever.
So, now all of our eggs are in the Biomet basket. He needs to get this job. If he doesn't...we will either be relocating to Omaha (Hotel Shaner) or Olathe (Hotel Borchert).
Ok Lord, what are we supposed to be learning? If you just told us, we'd hurry and learn it and then Jeremy could get a job.
Ugh.